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it's cold outside

 

 

don't wear sandles

 

 

So i've been single for a long time and finally now, God is showing me through his grace how all I need is to depend on him.  Well I have been throughout this past year, however I havn't really understood that.  I am young, independent, motivated, smart and I don't believe there is too much wrong with me that does not attract males.  However, God has chosen not to put that man in my life yet, and I was frusterated for a long time, but I am continously reminded it is all up to God.

oh heavens, am I ever hungry! As I sit up past the one o'clock hour ( which is a first in a long time sad to say) a million thoughts are running through my head.  Main one is ...when the heck is our kitching going to be completed?  Along with why did the mother want to do this again?  Well today they got some of the new white cabinets in...it really does look amazing, yet the father is complaing at the price...yet it's not like he cannot afford it...moving on to other less materialistic things, however it is still selfish...life is ultimately good.  There have been some good God discussion questions arising out of me being interested in the Old Testament...it's almost a completely different God..I know it's not but there's a lot of questions....New testament...life is all great and fine, repent and you will be saved...but Old testament sigh....just ask me in person.  So I went to Kelsey's last Fall choir Concert tonight...was kind of an eye opener...she's going to graduate...and I will next year too.  Saw my Aunt and Uncle and lil cuz b/c their other son is a freshman and was singing!  The first thing they asked me was....none other than the all together much too often heard question, "How is Mike?" ahhhh it never gets old, however it finally has stopped evoking emotion.  Thank the Lord on that one....and the fact that he lied pretty bad...infact almost un-imaginable and simply heart crushing. I feel bad for the other party hurt but I'm glad I finally got to applogize for everything b/c it's been such a burden for the past year but it's my fault for putting my feelings before hers...you'd think after all those times there would be something more to account for it right now anyway after answering bluntly and truthfully, I havn't talked to him and don't plan on it...they move on to the next unfailable make yourself feel bad for not having what you once had question..."So who are you dating now?"  Like I always have to have a boyfriend...grantid I do have males in my life...but boyfriends pshhh...Why is it people go back to those who they once dated?? Always?! I can't wait to move in a year and a half away from it all.  Anyway, it is the truth...it's always easier to try and fix things or start over or whatever than meet new and interesting people.  Truth is..."Pete's dragon" or El and I are talking again... Who knows if it's a mistake, I'm honestly just living my life and if he wants to come to a movie every now and then fine with me.... I figure I only have a year left with my girls back at home before they are all married off and living that life, so I'm trying to enjoy their company as much as I can...along with my family.  For the first time in my life I finally find them interesting, and truth be told, who is ever going to love you this much....right now to that will pay for everything you do and anything you want....idk i think it's real love...even if they couldn't pay for something, which in my case I'm so blessed that they can, parents who support you and care about you is an essential part of your life.  Sometimes I think and think, and it's so hard to verbalize or even write down the thoughts that are racing though my head, or to think that someone would understand....or espeicially care....well anyway I do believe I'm going to scavage some food from the construction zone downstairs....oh ya....I'm thinking of going on a missions trip to Ireland....